i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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