I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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