Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
