I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
