You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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