Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
