ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
