good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
