it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
