The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You're a waste of cheezeits
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
