My vagina just recognized that song.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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