guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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