Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
