Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
