I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
