Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize