stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
