she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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