Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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