So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
