Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
