How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize