You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
