His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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