I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
