I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
