Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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