It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
