dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
