Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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