the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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