Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
