between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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