wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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