There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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