im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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