remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
