dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
