i dont even know how to be here
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
