i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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