If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
