talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
