thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
