We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
