That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
