Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
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