Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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