I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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