Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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