love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
