Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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