I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
