I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
