Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
