margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
