Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
