i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
