Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
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