I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Randomize
