Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Randomize
