dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize