The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
