based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I am available for nakedness
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
