don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
