In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
