Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
