I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
